Monday, January 7, 2008

Horse vs. Board of Education.

It occurred to me, while rereading my most recent post about being screwed out of money by the Arby's Corporation, that even though I felt justified in my anger at the time, 1) I might have overreacted and 2) I really hope that no one who happens to read this thinks I hate mentally retarded people. Bobby the Mouth-Breathing Idiot Man-Child was not retarded, at least by conventional or legal standards, as far as I could tell. My anger wasn't wasn't necessarily directed at his cognitive capacity, as much as directed at his lack of motivation to function on the same plane of conscious existence as the people surrounding him. Bobby might have had some brain functionality issues, but I don't think it was anything that didn't have to do with smoking a bowl fifteen minutes beforehand behind the dumpster. Let me put it this way; if you're interacting with someone, and you're thinking about who would play them in a movie (am I the only one who does that?), and the most obvious choice is Kevin Federline, then it's probably going to set you off a little bit when they do something stupid that results in you losing a small amount of money. Hmm. Obviously, I haven't come to terms with my anger yet.

But, I also wanted to mention something I thought of when I was driving to work today. Every morning, I drive over the Ohio River on my way to work in Florence, Kentucky, and today I looked a little more closely at the obligatory "Welcome to This Different State Than the One You Were Just In" sign. It's changed since I moved here in 2003, and it now reads "Unbridled Spirit," or something to that effect, with a gestural sketch of a horse on it. This represents the state very well, as Kentucky is known for its horses. This would have bothered me a lot less if I didn't remember what the sign used to say, which was "Welcome to Kentucky, The State Where Education Pays."

Now, when I think of Kentucky's relationship with horses, I don't think of herds of mustangs galloping across the countryside unchecked, because I'm pretty sure that they don't. No, Kentucky breeds horses for riding and, usually, racing. And people don't go to horse races to witness the majesty of muscular odd-toed ungulates and the diminutive men that ride them, they go to horse races to bet on horses. So, essentially, at one point, Kentucky officials had the following meeting:

KY PR Guy 1: "You know, we really need to change our slogan."

KY PR Guy 2: "Why?"

KY PR Guy 1: "Because we're focusing on education, and no one really cares about education, especially tourists."

KY PR Guy 2: "I guess that makes sense...I mean, did you see that Bobby kid that works at Arby's? I asked him for some extra ketchup and I think he had an aneurysm."

KY PR Guy 1: "Yeah, that kid even existing means any pride in our public school system is a laughable atrocity. So let's go back to the drawing board. What can we push that's as honorable as education?"

KY PR Guy 2: " about gambling?"

KY PR Guy 1: "Done, and...done."

KY Jelly: "Hey, don't I even get a say in this?"

KY PR Guy 2: "Jelly, we've gone over this. Your time to shine will be soon...but now is not the time."

So, yeah. I can see it being a little one-sided. Actually, if Gambling vs. Education had a boxing equivalent, it would be Mike Tyson vs. A Shoebox Full of Evander Holyfield's Ears. I don't think it's the best idea, but I guess I understand it.

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